What to Say
- September 7, 2015
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How did you feel when your parents talked to you about their death?
I remember when my mom and dad wanted to talk about their death.
I avoided the conversation. I changed the topic or left the room. It was too uncomfortable and I did not want to think about my parents dying.
This is probably true for your children as well.
So how do you have the conversation?
Talk about how your dad and mom talked to you. How it made you feel. How you wish to not have the conversation but years later you were glad you had the discussion.
It is best to start the conversation when you are healthy. That way, when you become ill you can reflect on your previous conversations.
If your parents did not talk to you, explain why you wish they had.
What should you discuss?
You should cover what you want each child to have.
You should cover who you are considering taking care of them if something happens to you and your spouse. Let them know why you are considering certain family members or friends for this responsibility.
Talk about their responsibility if you should die and not your spouse. How your children need to fill your role in family situations.
You should discuss your family history, what made your family what it is and what made you who you are.
Tell each child why you love them, that you are proud of them and your hopes for their future.
When should you discuss death?
You bought a new car, your son or daughter says she would sure love to drive it in the future. You can say – when you are old enough and if anything happens to me I will leave it to you.
If they say no, let’s not talk about it now, how about setting aside a half hour every couple of months to talk about what should happen if you were to die. death. It will be at a designated time to give you both time to reflect and prepare for your meeting. And when you arrange this meeting, make it a nice social event for both of you.